This photo means a lot to me. It was taken on Palm Sunday this year, and it marked the first time in over a decade that I wasn’t singing in church. It wasn’t until now that I truly understood why.
Here at the church we attend, I joined the music ministry as a keyboardist a few months ago, and it’s been an incredible experience—especially since I hadn’t played in church since I left Costa Rica nearly five years ago. When we moved to the U.S., the pandemic hit right away, and I couldn’t get involved initially, and then my break from playing music stretched out longer than I would have liked. But when we moved to a new city, I knew it was time to get back on the field, at least on the keyboard. Those who know me know I’ve always loved music in all its forms, and when it comes to playing music for God, that passion multiplies a thousand times over.
But as for singing, I’d pretty much left it behind. I sang for a few years in Costa Rica, but I saw it as a chapter of my youth that I’d “closed.” Until God reminded me He had other plans. Out of the blue, I got a text from the arts ministry leader at my church, inviting me to a meeting to join the choir as the tenor lead (though I’m actually a baritone) and to sing on what they call “frontline” here (what we used to call “background vocals” in Costa Rica). I was honestly shocked because I’d never mentioned to anyone here that I used to sing or that it was something I’d be interested in doing.
After that meeting, I got fully involved in the rehearsals and preparations for Easter services. But something strange happened during the first vocal rehearsal. As soon as I held the mic, I had a terrible feeling of insecurity, like I wasn’t good enough for what they expected of me. They call that “imposter syndrome,” that feeling of being severely underqualified for a role or position you’re in. That rehearsal was rough—I felt like I was off-key in every song and couldn’t sing with the strength I was supposed to.
On my way home, God reminded me why I was feeling that way, like an imposter. I remembered how, years ago in Costa Rica, someone in a position of authority called me in to talk about my role in youth services. They basically told me I “wasn’t what they were looking for” and didn’t want me singing anymore. Just like that. I swear, I had completely forgotten about this moment, but clearly, my heart hadn’t. In fact, after that, I stopped singing at church altogether and would only occasionally play the piano.
Remembering that hurt, but it was exactly what I needed to approach the next rehearsal with a different attitude. I don’t know if I sang better or worse that time, but I gave it my all in that second rehearsal. Just like the old days. Just like when I knew God had given me a talent and a passion meant to be used.
After several rehearsals, Palm Sunday arrived, the moment in this photo. I wanted to explain the backstory because we see people doing and achieving things, and sometimes we don’t realize what they’ve had to go through, fight for, or wait for to get there. I’m sharing this because I generally heal my wounds by writing about them. But the main reason is that I know some of you might be feeling the same in your service, your job, your studies, or whatever it may be. Feeling inadequate, lost, weighed down by insecurities.
Today, I want to remind you of what the Bible says about this: God has plans to give us a peaceful and happy future, not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11). If you’re feeling sad or alone, remember that God is near to you in those tough moments (Psalm 34:18). You don’t need to be afraid because God will strengthen you and help you through every moment (Isaiah 41:10). He has chosen us to show how good He is, especially by bringing us out of dark places and into ones full of light (1 Peter 2:9). Also, everything that happens in life, if you love God, is part of His plan for your good (Romans 8:28).